Advice
Advice from Adoptive Parents
Adoptive Family that adopted in 2016 and 2019:
The advice I wish I had gotten as I was embarking on the adoption journey: Please do not be afraid to interview the people you will be working with, and find the right fit in personality and style as you begin your journey. Surrounding yourself with experienced professionals to help you along the way will be most important when you inevitably run into some twists and turns in your journey. Meet face to face, gain a level of comfort, and build a rapport. When challenges arise, as the surely will, the connections you have with an experienced team matters, and could mean the difference in successfully starting or building your forever family.
What were some of the most important or unexpected things you learned as you went through the process? If you have done much research (or simply looked at the “Forms” section available on most adoption websites), then you may have a guess as to the amount of time involved in beginning an adoption process. Don’t worry – this initial overwhelming feeling of helplessness, fatigue, and possibly even frustration with all the paperwork will likely not be the last time you get to experience these feelings during your adoption journey. In fact, try to enjoy this part of the process (though we didn’t), since the timing and process of this is one of the few parts you actually do have some level of control over. This also won’t be the last opportunity to feel overwhelmed in your journey – so do yourself a favor, and get serious about the process once you’ve decided to move forward. Staying organized and detailed can come back to help numerous times down the road in any adoption journey.
Each and every journey is entirely unique, due to the lives of so many people involved. While it is impossible to predict what you might face, it can be a comfort to know you are working with caring and attentive professionals. When you feel like hope is (again) lost along the way, one call with an experienced partner that knows your story (and cares) can help turn the tide. No one in the adoption business has seen it all by any means – but utilizing the services of an experienced team can make all the difference in a precarious situation. Know that there is no way to impose your will or control on the adoption journey- no matter how sensible and realistic you believe your expectations may be. Please be prepared to NOT be in control- no matter how hard you might try – but always keep your end goal clearly in mind, and maintain the belief that you can still make it to the finish line, no matter what roadblocks are thrown in the way.
What would you tell someone who is terrified of doing a home study? While we were of course concerned our first time through the home study process, we can look back on this process and laugh at being worried about this part of the journey. We actually started our application process out of state, and undertook our initial home study with a different agency. Having the unique perspective of having first worked with someone else, we can unequivocally recommend Wendy and Georgia Adoption Specialists for the Home Study process. Wendy’s approach, personal warmth, and attentive listening shined through during this time and was markedly more comfortable than our prior experience. Something to keep in mind as you consider the adoption and contemplate the home study process – the home study can be much more of a conversation, than an interview – and at least with Georgia Adoption Specialists it is also much different than an interrogation (which based on experience, I can’t say is always the case with every agency provider). Wendy is comfortable to talk with, easy to deal with, and really becomes a part of your journey and an extension of your family during this process.
What is it like to meet your child’s birth parent? Take a blind first date- multiply by three for your anxiety, nervousness, and anticipation- then multiply that by twenty, since while it feels almost like an arranged marriage, this is actually about meeting someone who may forever be involved in your miracle of life journey. Be ready to have your own eyes opened to a different experience and view of the world, as seen through an alternative set of eyes – a set of eyes for that birthmother which have seen things and experienced our world in a way you likely cannot ever understand, much less appreciate. The fact this individual is meeting you and considering the choice in front of them, means they care deeply about that life and the decision they are trying to make. No matter what, understand that the birth parent(s) are as nervous, or likely more nervous, than you are. These are people who are making one of the single most important choices of their lives- and this could be their one opportunity to leave a legacy and influence or change a life story. While this all might look incredibly different than you imagined, you’ve likely been planning and working towards the start of this journey for many months (as well as likely dreaming and praying about the end goal for years). Meanwhile, this expectant birthmother has likely had much less time to approach this crossroad in their life, and come to terms with the incredibly important choice in front of them. Appreciate them, encourage them, and never pressure them.
What would you tell someone who is terrified of having an open adoption? Our adoptions have been semi-open. That being said, one the of single best experiences we had early in our home study process was a series of training sessions – which included a time for remarks, perspective, and then a question/answer period. The first week, we heard from 4-5 adoptive parents, who shared some parts of their journey. The second week we heard from 3-4 birthmothers, each of who had placed a child for adoption some years prior. The third week we got to hear from children who were adopted – from ages 6 to mid-teens – many of which have open adoptions and regularly see their birthmother. This was an eye-opening experience that we gained a lot of value (and comfort) from, and helped us better understand and appreciate the perspective of each group.
Anything else you think would be important for someone to know when they are just starting this process: Seek out advice from professionals wherever possible. Additionally, if you can find any connection to an adoptive family that is willing to share their candid experience and advice, take advantage of that every time. While family and friends will be well-meaning, be prepared for them not to have a clue as to the types of questions to ask, opinions they offer, or advice to give. Stay organized in your process, while accepting the lack of control and inability to influence most of your circumstances. Keep the end goal of the journey in mind at all times. Understand this entire process will likely be a marathon, and not a sprint. Every single experience along the way will also afford you an opportunity to question and wonder why – but know that the journey is worth every smile, worry, tears, and dollar along the way when you can finally celebrate your forever family.
From an Adoptive Mother who adopted in August 2018:
The journey to our son was a rocky one with lots of twists and turns, but one we would take a million times over to get to him. Nothing or no one could have prepared us for the bumps in the road. We jumped into the process very blind and naive, expecting the hardest part of the process to be getting through the mounds of paperwork for the home study. And while that was a pain, it didn’t even stack up to the pain that would await – two failed adoptions, numerous no’s and thousands of dollars lost. I wish we had been more emotionally prepared for the unexpected and not had that “it won’t happen to us” mentality.
Having never given birth, I can’t equate the adoption journey to the physical pain of delivery, but the emotional pain leading up to the birth of our son seems as traumatic in comparison. Yet, the beauty of his delivery and us holding him for the first time just as immaculate as if I had birthed him myself. Now that we are on the other side, all that pain is forgotten. Sounds just like a mother who gave birth describing labor pains, right?
If I could offer a few pieces of advice to someone embarking on the adoption journey, one would be to find a highly recommended agency/advocate to work on your behalf. Georgia Adoption Specialists was that advocate for us. Wendy stood with us during the good and the bad, provided honest feedback and recommendations whether we wanted to hear them or not, and showed genuine care and concern. Another would be to prepare for the unexpected. When Wendy called about the opportunity that lead to our son, we almost said no. We had experienced so much loss and pain already, we couldn’t bare another no. But something, I like to say a higher power, nudged us to give it one more shot. And the rest is history. Our son is happy, healthy and thriving. We have a great semi-open relationship with our son’s birth mother, and it couldn’t have been a more beautiful experience.
From an adoptive mother who adopted in 2013:
Wendy was wonderful to work with during our adoption process. We were searching for a non-religious affiliated group (we are a religious family, but other organizations felt too heavy handed in their rules of religion). We connected with Wendy right away. She has a steady calmness that brings comfort during the often roller coaster, emotional journey of adoption.
Wendy guided us through the semi open adoption benefits and our fears of opening up our lives were put at ease. Knowledge is power and having an open line of communication just builds love and offers answers to your adopted child that they would otherwise never have. For us, we were not expecting the amount of love this open-ness would provide. Our daughter has known from the start that her biological family loves her, thinks about her and is there if she has any questions at all. We feel fortunate and know that everyone’s situations are different, but we would have not known if we had not opened ourselves up. When we met our daughter’s biological family, it was beyond amazing. We felt their love as a family and knew that they were interested in meeting us in person as well. This made a world of difference – one that we did not know we even needed and we cherish.
I would tell anyone just getting into this that there are so many preconceived notions of adoption…who adopts and who is seeking adoption for their baby. These notions are often incorrect. Like many things in life, there is no one solution and there are many different scenarios in which people seek adoption for themselves or their baby. To this day I still face questions from children and adults about inaccurate assumptions. We have confidence and knowledge to calmly discuss biased questions or prying comments. I get it, people are curious and they want to know and put things in a box to explain. Our discussions and guidance from Wendy helped us navigate these bumpy waters. We would recommend Wendy to anyone seeking adoption guidance.
From an Adoptive Mother who adopted in May 2019:
My husband and I were matched with a client of Georgia Adoption Specialists. Of course, we were elated with the match, but didn’t realize how much better (if that’s even possible) this journey was going to be having Wendy and Georgia Adoption Specialists leading the charge on the entire process. Wendy was amazing. We had an unusual situation with our birth mom and visiting her required lots of planning and communication. Wendy planned everything for us so we could spend our time preparing for our daughter to arrive. Wendy ensured that every I was dotted and t was crossed throughout the entire process. We could call, text and check in with Wendy at any time and she would get right to us. She navigated all the paperwork, social workers at the hospital, all the intricate details that could be overwhelming during this time. The best day with Wendy was when we met her at the hospital to pick up our baby girl. I entered the nursery area where she was and all I saw was Wendy’s smiling face standing at the end of her bassinet. When we approached she said, “here is your daughter”. Wendy truly becomes part of your family. She and the folks at Georgia Adoption Specialists know the ins and outs of this very complicated process. I thank God every day that we were matched with their client. Our experience with them was outstanding and amazing. We love you Wendy!
Out-of-state Adoptive Family who adopted in 2018:
My husband and I chose to adopt 2 years after adopting our first son. Although we had been through a home study with our first adoption, it was still somewhat daunting. It made it easier to have a checklist of what we needed to accomplish and begin with the things that would take the longest time. We would typically set aside some time every day to work on our home study questions so it didn’t feel like we had so much to write at one time.
Our first adoption was open even though the birth mother discontinued communication shortly after giving birth. We still continue to send pictures and give her updates. We were hesitant with the idea of an open adoption initially but after reading about the idea and listening to stories about it, we quickly changed our minds. We would not be able to adopt without a birth mother and any form of communication is the least I can do for what she had to endure to allow my family to grow. I put myself into her shoes and know that I could be put at ease knowing that my child is growing up in a loving and supportive house.
After being in the waiting pool for a short time in our second adoption, we were matched with a birth mother who was having twin boys. She chose to have a closed adoption but was fine with phone conversations until the twins were born. I was nervous to speak with her although I knew I wanted to cherish and remember our conversations so that I could pass on any information to my sons as they grew. The twins were born 2 months later and we traveled from Connecticut to Georgia. The birth mother requested I be in the delivery room although she went into labor and had a cesarean section an hour later. Although I couldn’t be there for the birth, we were able to make it there within 24 hours of the twins being born. We met the birth mother in the hospital and brought her meals from outside of the hospital so she didn’t have to eat the hospital food. She wanted to speak with us before she was discharged. It was a very emotional time for all of us. She thanked us for coming into her life and was relieved to know that we could provide her sons with more than she could. She knew we would give them a beautiful life with plenty of opportunities and a loving home to grow up in. We will never forget our time with her and we know she is the connection to our twin boys.
We had to stay in the state of Georgia until specific paperwork could be processed and approved. Wendy with GAS was extremely calming during this chaotic time and was very timely with the paperwork so we could travel back home. The adoption was finalized a few months later and we were yet again blessed with not one, but two sweet sons.
Going through an adoption process is a roller coaster. It is timely, stressful, and challenging. It is also a road that leads you to the growth of your family. In the end it is joyous, loving, and the world’s greatest blessing. The best advice that we received and would pass on to others is to trust the process. It’s easy to be overwhelmed and frustrated with road bumps and waiting for things to happen but that’s when you have to remember that you will get through it. Day by day, trust the process.
Adoptive Dad who has used Home Study Services of Georgia Adoption Specialists 3-4 times over last 10 years:
We have known Wendy Willman since we started our adoption journey more than ten years ago. Over the past seven years, we have adopted two children and we’ve had Wendy manage our home studies and post adoption visits. During this time, Wendy has become more than just our social worker, she has also become a dear friend who has enthusiastically watched and cheered on our growing family. Wendy is understanding, caring, sincere, professional and incredibly thorough. Wendy goes above and beyond to take the anxiety out of a sometimes-difficult process to navigate. We would absolutely recommend working with Wendy if you are considering adopting a child. We couldn’t imagine having worked with anyone else!
Adoptive Moms who were placed with their son in 2018:
We technically have an open adoption, but have not heard from our son’s birth mother in almost two years. It’s very hard for us because we feel it’s not the best thing for him. But we are certain she feels it’s the right thing for her, and there’s a balance to it all, and we respect that.
The advice I wish I had gotten as I was embarking on the adoption journey is to be ready for beauty and love, and be ready for tragedy too. Adoption has tragic elements to it that your heart can hardly hold sometimes. You must be ready for the feelings that come with knowing that to have your beautiful child, someone else had to part with that same child. That is so much to carry every day. So worth it though.
The home study is really not anything to fear. It is a review of the family as they prepare for adoption to ensure they are properly positioned to be successful in the process. It is a lot of paperwork and steps, but it is all at once, and then it is done. Georgia Adoption Specialists made it easy with very clear instructions. In the grand scheme of the full process, this was simple.
Adoptive Dads who were placed with their son in 2019:
It was an absolute pleasure working with GA Adoption Specialists. Wendy is kind, knowledgeable and truly cares about everyone in what can be a difficult situation to navigate for all parties. As a same-sex couple from CA, she always made us feel comfortable and well-informed throughout the entire process. She was always available to answer questions and made sure we knew well ahead of time what the next steps were. Wendy also went out of her way to be there for our birth family and we know how much they appreciated her as well. We are forever grateful for all that Wendy has done for us and if we were to pursue adoption again, she would be the first person we call.